Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Randomize
