So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
