you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
