I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
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