She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
