I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
