i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
