I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
