i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm like, not good at living.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
