I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
