is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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