so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
