And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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