did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
