Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
