dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize
