Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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