he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
