Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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