My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
The air was thick with penises
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
