This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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