I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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