you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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