don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
