Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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