im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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