He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
