so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
