I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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