hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
