shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
