how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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