she looked like the before picture.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
