I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
