She said her name was "party"
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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