Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
