Dude my mom stole all your condoms
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
