Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
