I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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