it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
he thought i was a dude.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Randomize
