he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize
