but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Randomize
