I'm so fucking centered right now
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
