Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
