he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
