spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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