Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
