Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
