dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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