the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
