Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
