Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
