I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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