you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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