You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
