I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
