I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
