Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
