If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
They have beer where we have blood.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
