ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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