my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
