Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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