I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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